Date: Fri, 05 Sep 1997

Annual road fitness test for the old girl...

The day before the test - checked oil, water, tyres, lights, indicators, wipers - all fine. Started her up - a few small pops and bangs but nothing unusual for a cold damp day. Auto choke fine - warmed up and settled down to tick over. A quick flick of the chamois over the paint, cleaned the windscreen, scrubbed the whitewalls and ready for the off. She fizzled out with a stutter and a cough... damn! just when we thought all was well. Fuel levels OK but wot? no ticking from starboard fuel pump (the one I reckoned I had 'fixed' a couple of months ago. Port one fine. Switched over and after a few cranks she came back to life. Up the gas station - another mortgage for the petrol bill! tyre pressures fine. Then on the way back home - 'tink' 'tink' 'tink' coming from offside rear...???? as the speed decreased so did the noise - speed up - so did the tinktinktink... Back into the garage, up on the axle stands (again!) - while it's up I'll investigate the fuel pump first. Avoided the face full of petrol this time - - tied off the (new - proper petrol resistant "rubber") fuel lines. Off with the pump - off with the electrical cover. Nothing broken. hooked up a spare battery and 'thunk' but no more. Disconnected the lead, 'thunk' on, off, on, off, each time one 'thunk' from the pump. A tiny tweak on the contactor sprung arm and she rattles along fine. Stared at springs and mirrors inside - still nothing broken. Solenoid fires fine but contactor arm just won;t reach quite far enough to trip the return springs... OK out with the WD40 - a quick squirt and lo! all is well. It would seem that there was enough dust (even though the tape seal was OK on the dust cover) and sh*t in amongst the springs that they wouldn;t quite travel full length. Refitted pump.

Now, that wretched 'tink' 'tink' noise. You may recall my overhaul of the handbrake disc pad pins et al - I had this dread feeling that I had left off some vital bolt or clevis pin - no, all is together as should be.

Spin offside wheel, 'tink' . The same place every revolution. Time for Mulder and Scully? It definitely wasn't a loose wheel nut in the hub cap 'cos they rattle rather than 'tink'. I'll go stare at the wheel anyway and see if I can scare the noise away... 'tink' bloody 'tink' - had me flummoxed.

It wasn't the drive shaft or diff - the noise had an echo or ring to it just like something was hitting the hub cap - the F***ING hub cap!!! - look closer on cap and there it was - the lovely *JAGUAR* metal label swinging ever so slightly as the wheel spun - 'tink'. One of the pesky little studs on the back of the label had sheared off. The other was still intact thankfully so it could be nipped up enough to stop the noise. Oh the joys of Jaguar ownership!

Anyway - after that all seemed well, off the next morning to the testing station - we know the exhaust is needing major work so there is no surprises when the guy says - it's too far gone now to be 'safe'. What was worrying though was his test on the steering - both universal joints (top and bottom) on the steering column had their rubbers almost torn apart. "Another hundred miles" says the man "and you would be pushing up the daisies by the side of the road". Yet one more lesson learnt - Mark IXers out there, check your universals!

So today we are MkIX-less while she has new exhaust, new universals and one tie rod fitted. The tie rod was interesting - we had been looking for one but the only one 'for sale' was down in Christchurch and they wanted NZ$155 (US$100) for it - "The only one in the country" they said. Damn! - but no, our local Jag-lover mechanic (rough as guts, and probably drives getaway cars in his spare time) tells us we there are 2 other options - have a new one made 'just down the road' or, have the flexible joint end refilled with silicone (so that's where all the used breast implants go?). Both options about NZ$75. That's the sort of mechanic we like! None of this teeth sucking and 500% mark-up on spares! We opted for the 'new' one by the way. If anyone else wants some we'll start trading right now!

While we chatted away about this and that (mostly that) we also discovered that the MkIX disc brake system is the same as was fitted to the Mk4 Ford Zephyrs - if this is so (anyone else heard this?) instead of paying mega-$$$ for a sticky label on a plastic bag saying Jaguar - you pay less for exactly the same thing. We'd be interested to know if the Ford parts will in fact fit the Mark IX brakes - we'd like to overhaul them soon. There was also a suggested option of having the wheel cylinders bored out to the same size as the MarkII - anyone done this? can the same pistons be used just with the new size seals???? (seems illogical).

Spring has just sprung here in Godzone - heralded by rain, rain and more rain - at least all the trees are starting to flower and the new buds are bursting forth - the pundits are all muttering El Nino, global warming, current reversals and the like.

It will have been hard not to have seen the news recently - nothing needs to be added but did you see all the DS420 limos carrying the Royals? - magnificent (the DS420s - not the Royals!).

Channel IX

Saloons

MK VII-IX